back to the ultrasound. the day after our ultrasound, we received a call from Kaiser and were informed that they wanted me to come back in for another ultrasound, but this time with genetics. our baby girl’s lateral ventricles in her brain were measuring slightly larger than the normal cutoff range. they tried to reassure me on the phone that it was likely a slight mis-measurement and everything was probably okay, but nonetheless, they wanted to make sure. they thought she had what is called mild ventriculomegaly which can indicate a chromosome abnormality like down syndrome. we had to wait all weekend until our ultrasound appointment. i was filled with lots of ups and downs. one minute resting in God’s promises and plans and the next minute freaking out a bit. i’m so thankful for all my friends who were praying for us during this time and who continue to do so. her ventricles ended up measuring slightly less than before, just within the normal range, but from what i’ve read still probably larger than average. i am choosing not to dwell on that though. everything else on the ultrasound looked great so everything with her is probably fine, but really we won’t know until she’s born and starts growing (as with any baby).

where it gets interesting, at least for me, is that during the ultrasound, the geneticist and genetic counselor asked about our family history. after telling them about mason and some of the things he has, they suggested that we get his blood work done so they could map out his chromosomes. i’ve always wondered if there was something there so i was more than willing to get him tested. why have i always wondered about this? when mason was born we noticed that he had partial syndactyly on his second and third toes on both feet (webbed toes). not uncommon on its own and none of his doctors has ever thought anything of it. mason rolled over at 3 months, crawled at 7 months, but then didn’t walk until 18 months. i always thought this was late, but apparently it is right at the edge of the normal range. at around 15 months, mason wasn’t saying any words. he never really babbled much either as a baby. his pedi sent him to a speech therapist for an assessment who referred him to an occupational therapist because she thought he might have a sensory issue or autism. the occupational therapist didn’t see those signs but instead noticed that his movement wasn’t very smooth or fluid so she called in a physical therapist who saw the same thing. the physical therapist then referred him to a neurologist (who he sees currently 2-3 times a year). a round of blood work was ordered to look for a muscle disorder and when that came back fine, an mri was ordered. when the mri came back, it showed that mason had a chiari I malformation (the base of his cerebellum extends partially into his spinal cavity). thankfully, it’s only a level I and he shouldn’t need surgery. he does however need to have an mri done every year probably until he’s an adult or stops growing to make sure that nothing changes. he also sees a neurosurgeon who goes over the mri with us. he’s had his hearing tested, his vision tested, and had a podiatrist because his foot was curved and he had to wear a special shoe. plus, he now has a geneticist. this kid has had more doctors in his 4 years than i probably have in my whole life.

since then he has continued to struggle with his speech. for about a year and a half he got speech therapy through the regional center and when he turned 3 he started attending preschool for his speech through the school district. his neurologist didn’t think that his chiari was severe enough to be causing his speech/learning delays or his movement issues. so we were left kind of wondering, why does he have these delays? his chiari, delays, and webbed toes just made me think that something else was going on, but nothing we’d read explained any of it. each on it’s own isn’t really cause for concern, but together, made me wonder if there was a reason he had all of them.

fast forward to about a week ago. the geneticist called with mason’s blood test results and finally after 4 years we have a diagnosis! he has a genetic disorder called 16p 11.2 microdeletion syndrome meaning a small part of his 16th chromosome is missing. this is why he has webbed toes, probably the chiari malformation, and the delays in speech and gross and fine motor skills. when we read the description it explained all of it. no other syndrome, etc. that we’d read seemed to fit, but THIS totally described him and all his struggles. our next step is to have an echocardiogram done to check for any heart defects because kids with this deletion have a higher percentage of heart problems. and then we have to fill out a stack of forms and questions to have him evaluated for autism to see if he has any signs of being on the spectrum. i am confident that he doesn’t have classic autism, but he may have some symptoms that put him on the spectrum although i’m not really worried about that. even the symptoms that might be a little concerning are pretty manageable.

So whether the baby has anything wrong we won’t know until she’s born although from our experience it could be many years later. however it did lead us to a diagnosis for mason. we’re thankful to finally know what’s causing his delays, but at the same time because the disorder is rare and has been discovered somewhat recently, there’s not a ton of information out there. there’s a wide range of disability so it’s hard to know what to expect. apparently some with the deletion don’t have any signs or delays and then there are some whose delays are more severe. while mason’s speech has improved a TON, he’s still pretty far behind his peers. he’s talking a lot more, but his articulation is still pretty delayed. he can run and jump, but when i look at his friends there’s definitely a difference in how well he moves. he’s a very cautious and hesitant kid which could play a role in some of it. and perhaps he knows his muscles and coordination are lacking and that’s what’s causing his caution. who knows.

what i do know is that he’s is a very happy and sweet little boy who is growing and developing. and while occasionally my emotions get the best of me because his future is unknown right now as far as how he’ll develop and progress from here, i have to remind myself of how far he has come and that he’s the same little boy who melts my heart everyday.

on top of that, we just received our home loan modification terms and it looks like we need to find somewhere to live in the near future. the terms seemed pretty ridiculous, but it was worth a shot. our last day will probably be pretty sad, but i’m actually kind of excited about it. i definitely won’t miss the wasps and mosquitoes! but i will miss our friends who live 4 houses down:( and randomly, i will miss our shutters because they really keep the temperature controlled.

and on top of THAT, my grandma passed away last weekend. she was 96 and her health had declined a lot in the last 5-10 years so it was a long time coming. i don’t know that i’ve really grieved because of all that’s going on right now. every now and then the reality comes over me like a wave and then the waters are calm again for a while.

so that’s pretty much all of it. if you made it to the end, thanks for hanging in there!

Over the few years I’ve shot weddings, the stress has finally gotten to me. And it’s not stress from brides. They have all been sooo wonderful. Most of them are friends and even the few who I didn’t already know were so great and kind to me. It’s stress from myself and the pressure of having to get certain images in a short time frame. When I first began, I thought the stress of potentially missing a shot would get to me. Turns out that wasn’t the case so much. I came to realize that shots will be missed. Simply because I am not super human and can’t be in more than one place at one time or get more than one angle at a time. Second shooters relieve some of that, but it still happens. Not that key shots are missed like the kiss or first dance, it’s more like “I wish I’d gotten this viewpoint or that angle”. So in addition to taking the year off, I will no longer be taking any more weddings. Not just for this year, but forever. And with another little one on the way, I know in my heart I won’t be able to balance my time well if I continue shooting weddings.

So I wanted to give a special thanks to all my wonderful and amazing brides who trusted me to photograph their special day. I will forever be grateful to you for allowing me to fulfill a secret dream of mine. Especially Whitney, my first bride, who believed in me even when at the time I was so very unsure of my abilities to photograph a wedding.

Here’s a recap of some of my favorite images. They’re pretty much in order from my first bride to my last (my sister-in-law) and one wedding I was a second shooter for.

Anyways, I’m still in a bit of disbelief. When I found out I had a mix of unfamiliar emotions. At first, I cried. Then I told Mason since David was at work still. Then I got worried. What if I miscarry? What if this baby has the same developmental delays as Mason or worse? And then an emotion I wasn’t expecting. I started thinking about the three + years that’s it’s been just the three of us, plus the pup. And I got a little sad. This next 9 months is going to be the last time Mason will have us all to himself. I really couldn’t wrap my head around adding another little person to our family even though I’ve been praying for it for two years. My mind had been focused on whether or not we should get rid of all our baby stuff (I was going to sell our crib in March), and why did we buy such a big car if it will be just the three of us (plus the dog who takes up most of the space!). Now it’s on decorating a nursery again and baby names. It will be quite an adjustment. A good and thankful one, but an adjustment nonetheless. It’s a strange feeling to struggle for such a long time and then have it all of a sudden gone. To be honest, the struggle isn’t ALL gone for me. It actually still hurts to hear someone else announce their pregnancy. Not as much, but it does. I think it just reminds me of how hard it was. Maybe time will heal that. And maybe it will always be difficult. I guess it’s too soon to tell.

I’m still learning to trust God even throughout this pregnancy. When will I ever learn my lesson!? I wrote a little bit more about that on the other blog for a new project Jenny and I are doing. I was talking to a dear friend about my anxiety and worry and she asked me, “Do you believe that if something happens that God will see you through it?” Yes. I do. Each trial helps me understand Him all the more and helps remind me of the greater picture. This world is not our home and I need to live for the one that is.

Okay, enough serious stuff! I have been seriously lacking on my project! So let’s not call it a 365 day project, but rather a try to take more pictures of Mason project. He is such a little stinker and won’t let me photograph him! I even had to bribe him with candy and a cupcake for some of these. Plus, we both got a really bad cold so I was in no mood to take pictures and he was in even less of a mood to have his picture taken.

waking in daddy’s shoes and eating one of daddy’s birthday cupcakes

leaving school

playing in his new playroom

helping daddy put together his new shelves in his new playroom

i always get really nervous photographing any wedding. i mean come on, it’s a big deal! but photographing your brother’s wedding by yourself? i was a nervous wreck! not only did i photograph the wedding, but my husband officiated, and mason was the ring bearer.

congratulations you guys! so happy for you two and thankful for my new sister:)

celebrating the night before….

i’m not sure, but i think some kind of dancing started occurring here.

and the day of….

the first look….

best man getting choked up….

i’ve gotta say, this was a pretty fun reception to photograph.

and a few from the day after….

clearly, i am a better photographer than i am a videographer. some of the video is from me, some from David, and the ceremony video from Chris, one of the groomsmen. The stills in the video are low res so they look kinda wonky, especially if you are viewing it full screen.

Dunn wedding from Stephanie Morgan on Vimeo.

if you made it this far, then bravo! give yourself a pat on the back:)

mario cart with daddy

tent napping

drying off

cartoon time

peek-a-boo

spoiled pup

puppy smooch

I have always loved photography and when I found out I was pregnant with Mason, I knew I wanted a better camera so I could take lots of great photos. I mean how hard could it be, right? Turns out quite a bit harder! There was so much to learn and the further I got into photography, I realized the less I knew. I still have SO much to learn. I took 503′s workshop which I highly recommend to anyone wanting to learn more about photography. Jessica is fabulous! I started to see progress in my work, friends started asking me to take pictures of their kids and the natural progression after that (or so I thought) was to go into business. All I wanted to do though was to take great pictures of Mason! Somehow along the way, I lost that original intent and desire. Since then I have found myself in a continual state of stress and clenching my teeth pretty much all day long. There have been days that I have woken up to terrible pain in my teeth because I was grinding/clenching them so hard while I slept. I even chipped a hole in one of my molars! Now I have to wear a nightguard when I sleep which my husband finds oh so sexy as I’m drooling out of the side of my mouth.

Last night I realized that Mason only has 3 short months until he turns 4 years old! And then one more year until he starts Kindergarten! I could drop huge balls of tears right now just thinking about it. Because time is running out on snuggles and kissing his boo-boo’s, laying in bed with him while he falls asleep at night, and giving him kisses whenever I please, I really want to slow down time and soak in as much of him as I can, all while documenting his days as a happy go lucky, sensitive, mellow kid, whose eyes sparkle when he smiles. I really just can’t get enough of him. Unless he’s throwing a tantrum of course. Then it’s, “Will someone please take him home with them!?”:) Even writing this, I feel guilty that he’s sitting here on the couch watching cartoons (not that he’s complaining).

Having a photography business has swallowed up my life and my mind always feels only half there in everything else I do. On one hand, I want to have a successful business. On the other hand I want to be a great mom and wife and friend. For me, the two aren’t really going well together and I feel like everything else is getting the short end of the stick. It’s not even about being busy, it’s about the business constantly being in the back of my mind making it hard to concentrate and fully give my all to anything else. Some of you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. When I worked at the high school, I could just go to work and then when I was home, my job stayed back behind. Occasionally I would lay in bed thinking, “Oh no! Did I remember to turn off my space heater under my desk? What if I get to school the next day and it burned down because I left it on!?” Rest assured, the school is still standing:)

One thing I’ve come to terms with is that just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean I need to make money from it. This is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. With that said, I will no longer be taking any sessions under Stephanie Morgan Photography for an indefinite amount of time. It could be a year, or maybe until Mason starts school, or maybe never. I honestly really don’t know what it will look like for me. I will however still be taking sessions with Pure Life Unscripted with the talented Jenny from Sweet Bliss Photography. So if you’d like to book a session, you can contact us there.

I’m so excited for 2012 and think it’s going to be a really good year for me on a personal level. I have big plans! Plans to organize my house, make some of the diy finds from pinterest, do crafts with Mason, maybe even learn how to sew finally! My hope is to do a 365 day photo project of Mason. My inspiration comes from this blog that I love to look at. I will be taking my camera EVERYWHERE and I’m hoping I will learn a lot in the process. When I look through my parent’s photo albums, the pictures I like looking at aren’t the ones where my mom took me to get my portrait done. They’re the pictures where I’m 3 years old and walking around the house with my dad’s cowboy boots on. Why my dad even had cowboy boots I have no idea. Or me sitting on my grandma’s kitchen floor eating cookie dough out of the mixing bowl. The pictures that tell a story. My story. That’s what I want for Mason as well. So rest assured, I will still be posting pictures on this blog and rambling from time to time. I may even have some other photography projects here and there.

mason 2008

mason 2011

So thank you from the bottom of my heart to all my wonderful friends and clients! I love taking pictures of you and for you and I hope you’ll continue following the journey God has me on and I hope you’ll follow me over at Pure Life Unscripted.

And I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.

Mason making his dinner more acceptable to him.

A friend told me about their tradition of giving their kids an ornament each year for Christmas and then when they’re older and on their own, they’ll have 18 or so years worth of ornaments to keep. I liked that idea so I thought I would start it with Mason and allow him to pick out his ornament each year. I thought he would pick out a Dora ornament or Toy Story. He almost picked some bells. But then he saw this beauty and I guess just had to have it!

I’ve seen this pin floating around and really wanted to try it. Didn’t quite come out like I planned. So that idea got scrapped:) I think I used too much paint and maybe the lace was too thin……another time perhaps.

I had some styrofoam cones leftover from a project a couple years ago that I never finished so we covered those with moss and made some stars out of branches from a dead tree we had in our backyard. That whole centerpiece cost us nothing since I already had all the materials. The biggest expense was the tablecloth that my mom lovingly made for me (and stayed up til 4am sewing it). Thanks mom! I think it cost about $35, which was half the price it would have cost since I waited 2 hours to get the fabric for it:) We also got burlap for a table runner down the middle. We got styrofoam balls and hot glued strips of fabric on some, burlap, and moss on the others for ornaments (which I forgot to take a picture of). Then we bought kraft boxes at Michael’s for .79 each. We already had the jute, extra burlap, green fabric, and tags. The greenery was leftover from the flower centerpiece. The lace ribbon was purchased with the fabric.

I found these mason jars at Wal-mart. They were 12 for $5.50. What I liked about them is that they were a really good size and they didn’t have any lettering on them. We used them for candles and for our glasses. We used doilies that my mom had for the placemats/chargers.

We were going to use a white creamer and sugar bowl, but Lindsey had these green dishes that looked so cute! So we went with those. We were going to use white napkins too, but then I remembered I had green napkins from a baby shower I hosted. The green gave the table a little pop of color and tied in with the greenery and moss for the centerpieces. We used different pieces of silverware that we each had and 2 different styles of white plates.

The flowers and greenery we got at Trader Joe’s. I usually get my flowers at Costco which would have cost $18 ($9 for the greenery and $9 for the white flowers), but Lindsey told me that she saw white flowers at Trader Joe’s so I decided to check there first hoping they sold some Christmas greens as well. Turns out they did, which saved us $9. The cans we used for vases were the bigger size enchilada sauce cans. Last year my parents cut down a tree in their yard and had some of the leftover stumps, which my friend’s husband cut for us so we could use them as a base for the flowers. I’ve seen them used as bases for flowers and as chargers, but it would be really cute to use them as coasters as well. I’m sure someone has already done it, I just haven’t seen it floating around.

And there you have it! Our Pinterest Christmas table.